Thank you God I humbly turned 30 today.
…To be continued…
I am enough.
I am stronger than my arm muscles.
I am important, not just in theory.
I am capable of astonishing earned success.
I am proud of my hard accomplishments.
I am not your mental illness stigmas.
I am not your lesbian fetish, sir.
I am in a lifelong healthy relationship.
I am beautiful to my adorned queen.
I am best friends with my soulmate.
I am smart enough to keep on growing.
I am mentally stimulating to the ear.
I am forever challenging my intellect.
I am one of a kind- living outside the box,
I’m a nerdy by nature. Unique by existence.
I am unapologetically,
Not sorry for my truth’s transparency.
I am surely home.
I am crisp adorations in motion
I am lavishly cherished to a peachy core
No longer… afraid…
Peace Queen, glistening on
And so on…. keep prosperity breathing?
Dance away with me. To freedom.
Why stop now?
Seriously, never give up
I am free
You can’t steal my sense of self worth
My value is more than years of tallied lengths unreached. I’m growing proudly
In coming up short of unreal standards.
Call me fun sized but there’s more to me than meets rolling eyes
Blinking beyond this rain seeping into my cotton layers, I am cleansed in this moment
As lightning cracks sharply, dancing so swift across the dense fog into reappearing acts…
I’m happy to breathe in sensual hints of moist air- refreshed as I let nervous energies seep into the past… each eager second:
I am humbled to bask in God’s tears, washing the dusty roads and sprouting splashed roses from hidden cracks of dark paths.
The light will again rise- till then,
I’m chillin with great intent– my fears:
Clouded in new lavender aromas-
Purple is royalty, real talk. So- call me,
#Chopped #Pride #QWOC #SelfLove #Free
I am spreading blackness across white space, not in ink blots yet rather digitized matter. I vowed to myself to polish my artistic strengths by posting once a day. I have been blessed with the gift of gab but I can always grow in nurturing my craft.
What do I really have to say, as I know I hold the power to create change yet often doubt my abilities. I really shouldn’t second guess myself. I am a pillar of hope as my insecurities square up in the face of glistening future successes.
I need not tremble in my soft brown oppressed skin, as I am no ones victim. I am proud to acknowledge that I am capable of accomplishing anything my heart sets of to concur. These words are more that space fillers, and each addition is a spiced ingredient to stir in my concoction of brewing masterpieces.
As my ideas stew in my mind, broiling over new savory sensations of what’s to come, I tastefully anticipate taking my next bites of my raw creations.
Delicious… is not the way to fully describe the liquid warmth of buttery caramel syrup swarming in my cider, blessed with apples and cream lightly whipped on top. It does add to the mix of bliss as I stir, swallow and repeat, with thoughts of deeper fuzzies sensually swarming my in body. A toast, to the self love persevering within me, which whispered once or twice in my conscious that I was worth all my heartwarming desires coming into fruition the way they have today.
I have fallen into a one of a kind, earth altering abyss of something all encompassing… I simply call her what she is, love. Love despite angers that rise like uncomfortable bumps in the roads, leaving room for growing pains, among joys purer than the most natural highs. Sweetly, she lives in her expressions of truth:
“I love you with all of me. Anger. Sadness. Anxiety. Happiness. Every feeling and emotion. I love you through and with all of it”.
I feel dearly and intentionally in tune with her universe-at first, second and every sight of her. Outside of us, looking in through a warped window, some may doubt our connection- in which dart flying words like “pussy whipped” appear. Of course certain metaphors roll against our brown sugared skin like rain water. We are likely to get caught in storms of life- yet we rejuvenate negative energies into fuel for fire as we continue building our legacy together.
I sit here still sipping on my spiced caramel cafe delight and I am in the most parallel senses of awe. A special, made just for me, one of a kind, intensely sweet, beautifully spicy and quirky yet humane woman shares this magical space of being with me.
In this life and time, prior to basking in my true self worth, I was in sheer fear that perhaps she would never really come for me. I was drained from chasing false hopes of various dreams not come into light. I was more sick to pieces of different people telling me to stop looking for her, because that kind of love from another lesbian, feminine woman wasn’t important; nor religiously just.
I refused at the core of me to give up on a companionship that I yearned to work hard to obtain and maintain.
I prayed, sometimes quietly through the salty tears on my pillow, other times aloud in the presence of likeminded peers and even those opposed. The night I attempted taking my sixteen year old life feels like a bad dream rather than the reality of a cold, empty psych ward room drifting in my memories.
I am SO loved, by God whom I thank for letting me live to be approaching my thirtieth birthday in just four days. I am SO loved by my own self, who is still growing into my truths…. and immensely SO loved by the love of my life who inspires me to glow up in every possible way daily. She holds so many precious names; I call her my sweetheart, my soulmate and sincerely my best friend.
It’s like WOW. God in Her uniquely blessed ways was listening to my every heart wrenched whim. Some people spend a great deal of their lifetime searching for their desires, but I have her… and I plan to spend eternity working hard and loving her fully in our beautiful bliss.
That’s just it- no, life is not perfect, I know nothing in it is… yet it is the imperfections of our love that I feel are so beautiful. There are flaws which are delicate yet strong, and that are sensitive and empowering all at the same time. There are surprises for us in store, and there are accomplishments we are looking forward to achieving in life. There is no one more amazing for me that I’d rather spend my life with than my dauntingly wondrous queen. All the mysteries, truths, and happenings to be explored will be raw yet lived in ecstatic anticipation. I couldn’t be more grateful.
With that gratitude floating in jittery patterns like butterflies in my stomach, I sip on more sweetness. I sincerely believe that she, as the future doctor of nursing running various programs, and I wearing multifaceted writer hats at my queer youth center- will influence so many lives; including our future children.
She is eternally my favorite sweet, soothing, soulful and spicy treat.
I love her- as we always say:
…Peace and Prosperity…
#Jaded #LoveIsLove #JadedBunny #lgbtqia #qwoc #iLoveHer #Pride
It’s big and brash and
like maple brown bacon
Hinting at bloody battles which once
Sizzled so hot.
I always preferred sausage
For the way the juices oozed out and
Penetrated my taste buds
Splashing in my saliva.
And you think I’m crazy…..
and thats okay.
I reclaim the word. I like sausage but not in reference to a masculine package
Objectified-shoved into my gaping mouth.
And you think I’m crazy– like a broken record replaying my traumas
Reliving them as if I am still 19 years old
Pulling darts out of my skin. These labels..
But as my cries dripped into my soft breast
Seeping through my pores, were your acidic
You’re getting bigger
STOP EATING SO MUCH
You’re depressed energy is draining me
Come suck my dick
Stop saying your gay
I can treat you right
STOP STOP STOP
BREATHE. THERE IS SUCH POWER IN GOING IN. AND OUT.
Just sitting here watching my chest
rise and fall then rise again as
That memory of hurt simmers down.
I am grounded in healing my anxiety.
Words, I speak you into fruition:
I replant myself into fresh soil
Rich with transformative growth as the
Universe harvests me into natures of my
What am I doing here?!
And you think I’m crazy…
for digging so deep between thick thighs that ground my pride
searching for my
at the center my hidden treasure.
I am imperfectly connected to she whom chose to journey on as rejection swung like thick branches and unrequited love stung to the core…
A boomerang always returning to
Meet me at the center of this vicious cycle.
And you think I’m crazy…
Ain’t I a woman?
Sojourner Asked the same
Freeing her being
Leading us into courageous truths
Sown bravely into hundreds of quilts
Generations to come.
My blood line may not be
Directly rooted in the
But a heritage so
RICH Lives in the shine
Of my thick eyebrows
The flair of my short
The spring of a head full of
Falling near the rise
Of high cheekbones
Striking my smooth
With hints of diversity clauses in the
Make up of
my natural beauty
At it’s finest.
As the daughter of a Queendom
I will own it
You still think I’m crazy?
I am breaking barriers of insanity
Smudging the binaries of my femininity
You may survive alone,
Journeying on for connectivity.
It’s ongoing, but as I take your hand,
Smashing societal stigmas we fight within
I’m still Jade, on a road of self discovery…
Absorbing Peace and all the crazy vibes…
It’s okay. Will you dive in love with me?!
Sitting here in a open space on campus as my clothes dry from damp yet therapeutic cleansing. I just connected with a beautiful soul. She is so much more rejuvenating than the melanin of her skin which radiates an eloquent glow; yet she is the sistah I didn’t know I needed to engage with. I’m so grateful for the way things have turned out– everything happening for a reason.
Wow. I’m breathing- steadily– even as my anxiety floats and fluctuates within me. My insides are beautiful. I’m crazy and that is more than okay. As my sistah has reminded me– it is the people who suffer and cope with mental illness who are the most sane in this insane society-and the world. Grace is needed superbly here to be given to myself.
With as much as I agree that “insanity” equates to doing the same things overtly and expecting different results; I guess I missed key ways I’ve been in that slaying cycle. I’m ready. To take that next plunge and free myself of the binding toxins. I am free. Freely loving myself in wondrously liberating ways. Healing is powerful, as are the words I feed myself. Nurturing myself and rewarding myself with that tattoo I’m excited to reflect on is important.
This is a blog of Jade’s everything.
My journey. My thoughts. My process.
It’s all beautiful. Mine. Relevant to my needs. Growth is a continuous lifelong journey. I’m proud of myself for both journaling tonight and blogging.
#LoveIsLove #QWOC #SelfLove #ProudOfMyself
….and that’s more than okay. d(^__~)b