Delicious… is not the way to fully describe the liquid warmth of buttery caramel syrup swarming in my cider, blessed with apples and cream lightly whipped on top. It does add to the mix of bliss as I stir, swallow and repeat, with thoughts of deeper fuzzies sensually swarming my in body. A toast, to the self love persevering within me, which whispered once or twice in my conscious that I was worth all my heartwarming desires coming into fruition the way they have today.
I have fallen into a one of a kind, earth altering abyss of something all encompassing… I simply call her what she is, love. Love despite angers that rise like uncomfortable bumps in the roads, leaving room for growing pains, among joys purer than the most natural highs. Sweetly, she lives in her expressions of truth:
“I love you with all of me. Anger. Sadness. Anxiety. Happiness. Every feeling and emotion. I love you through and with all of it”.
I feel dearly and intentionally in tune with her universe-at first, second and every sight of her. Outside of us, looking in through a warped window, some may doubt our connection- in which dart flying words like “pussy whipped” appear. Of course certain metaphors roll against our brown sugared skin like rain water. We are likely to get caught in storms of life- yet we rejuvenate negative energies into fuel for fire as we continue building our legacy together.
I sit here still sipping on my spiced caramel cafe delight and I am in the most parallel senses of awe. A special, made just for me, one of a kind, intensely sweet, beautifully spicy and quirky yet humane woman shares this magical space of being with me.
In this life and time, prior to basking in my true self worth, I was in sheer fear that perhaps she would never really come for me. I was drained from chasing false hopes of various dreams not come into light. I was more sick to pieces of different people telling me to stop looking for her, because that kind of love from another lesbian, feminine woman wasn’t important; nor religiously just.
I refused at the core of me to give up on a companionship that I yearned to work hard to obtain and maintain.
I prayed, sometimes quietly through the salty tears on my pillow, other times aloud in the presence of likeminded peers and even those opposed. The night I attempted taking my sixteen year old life feels like a bad dream rather than the reality of a cold, empty psych ward room drifting in my memories.
I am SO loved, by God whom I thank for letting me live to be approaching my thirtieth birthday in just four days. I am SO loved by my own self, who is still growing into my truths…. and immensely SO loved by the love of my life who inspires me to glow up in every possible way daily. She holds so many precious names; I call her my sweetheart, my soulmate and sincerely my best friend.
It’s like WOW. God in Her uniquely blessed ways was listening to my every heart wrenched whim. Some people spend a great deal of their lifetime searching for their desires, but I have her… and I plan to spend eternity working hard and loving her fully in our beautiful bliss.
That’s just it- no, life is not perfect, I know nothing in it is… yet it is the imperfections of our love that I feel are so beautiful. There are flaws which are delicate yet strong, and that are sensitive and empowering all at the same time. There are surprises for us in store, and there are accomplishments we are looking forward to achieving in life. There is no one more amazing for me that I’d rather spend my life with than my dauntingly wondrous queen. All the mysteries, truths, and happenings to be explored will be raw yet lived in ecstatic anticipation. I couldn’t be more grateful.
With that gratitude floating in jittery patterns like butterflies in my stomach, I sip on more sweetness. I sincerely believe that she, as the future doctor of nursing running various programs, and I wearing multifaceted writer hats at my queer youth center- will influence so many lives; including our future children.
She is eternally my favorite sweet, soothing, soulful and spicy treat.
Simply put,
I love her- as we always say:
“Forevermore!”
…Peace and Prosperity…
-Jade
#Jaded #LoveIsLove #JadedBunny #lgbtqia #qwoc #iLoveHer #Pride
Jaded! 